Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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