I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
