woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
