tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
