Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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