Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
