I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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