I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
