dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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