thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
