just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
