we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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