I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
