when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
