I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
