Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
