Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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