i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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