i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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