I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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