Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
