as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
