so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
