nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
