Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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