i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
