I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
