I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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