At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
