remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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