fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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