Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
