We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
