It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
