At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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