Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
