I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
