Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
