Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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