is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
