i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He felt like a one man threesome
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
