I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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