You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
