I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
