I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sobbing to NWA
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
