Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
