my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
