Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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