Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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