smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
