as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
