People in love make me want to vomit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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