WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
