no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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