This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
